The Grace of Consideration

If you knew someone's loved one had just passed away, would you give them more consideration to what you say and how you say it? Of course you would.

What if you are a highly practical and logical 'left brained' type person and you need to give constructive feedback to a highly creative and 'right brained' person? This is a much less dramatic example, of course, but most people would still temper their message to suit the recipient the best they could.

Both of these scenarios entail the grace and consideration of tailoring your message and delivery to the other person. It is not only a social courtesy, it is also a valuable — and arguably necessary — part of effective communication.

How do you extend this grace of consideration into every interaction you have?

Effective Communication

We have written many times here at eRep about the usefulness of understanding the psychology of ourselves and others not only in the professional world, but in our daily lives as well. Conveying your intended meaning effectively means doing so in a way that will be heard and fully understand by the other person. Considering the psychometric and psychological standpoint and perspective of others is required for this to occur.

→ Read additional articles about communication.

As mentioned, if you are in a conversation with someone and you learned they are mourning the loss of a loved one, you would no doubt tailor what you say and how you say it to be as sensitive and empathetic as possible. This is extending the grace of consideration of the other person's situation. It shows respect for their mindset and emotional state.

For most of us, this would be automatic. Fortunately, talking with someone mourning the loss of a loved one is a relatively rare occurrence. The vast majority of the time, we interact with people going about their day with the usual micro-ups and downs associated with typical living. Does that mean we should not worry about other people's perspective? Are we off the hook for tailoring our message to suit our listener just because it's a Tuesday and nothing big is going on?

When communicating, what do we all want? We want to be heard, and we want to be understood. When listening, we want to hear and we want to understand.

The best way to achieve everyone's desire for mutual understanding is for the message to be tailored to the listener.

Tailored Messaging

You can't tailor your message to the other person if you don't understand their position and perspective. If I am a highly logical person and I need to communicate effectively with someone who is highly creative, I first need to know that they are highly creative (and not assume they are like me). I also need to understand my own position — that I am highly logical.

After taking the Core Values Index psychometric assessment, I have learned the details of the way I see the world, the way I think, and the way I process information and feelings. This tells me where I'm starting and the position from which I hope to communicate with the rest of the world.

Because I took the CVI, I have not only learned what the other personality types are, I have also learned how to recognize them. When I meet someone for the first time, I can tell fairly quickly what their likely psychometric frame of mind is. Are they creative? Data-driven? Innovative? Assertive? Having knowledge of how the CVI is manifested in different personality types helps me determine how best to tailor my message so that it is most likely to be heard and understood.

The CVI gives me the grace I need to be considerate of the other person's perspective.

There have been many times in my life when I felt frustrated in a conversation because the other person just didn't seem to get what I was trying to say. It seemed I was either ineffective at composing and conveying my thoughts, or the other person was too daft or distracted or disinterested to get it. I've since learned that in every situation like that, I was trying to convey my message based on my perspective, not theirs.

One of the biggest benefits I have received after taking the Core Values Index is the knowledge of the range of emotional positions and perspectives people can have, how to identify them, and how to adjust my expectations and communications accordingly. I have become a much better communicator and a much better listener.

You can, too.