Learn to Disagree Well

Disagreeing in a disagreeable manner is a poor way to get things done. How do teams with diverse personalities achieve their goals? There is a secret that can help you learn how to overcome personal differences gracefully and productively.

"Let's agree to disagree," is a common phrase, a euphemism of sorts that covers up what we'd really like to say: "You're an idiot and I refuse to change my mind."

(Sometimes it actually means, "If we don't change the subject, someone's going to get punched in the nose.")

Diversity of viewpoint and perspective is valuable because homogeneity only produces one uniform outcome. Improvement can't happen without change and change can't happen if everyone does the same thing.

So how do we learn how to disagree in a way that is productive rather than destructive?

First, know yourself.

Second, know your audience.

Get To Know How You Tick

The first thing you should do is learn how you are emotionally hardwired and how it influences your behavior and perspective. You see the world through your lens and everything you take in is filtered through it, so you must understand that lens and how it shapes who you are.

Your personality's DNA makes you see the world through "you" colored lenses.

Remembering this fact when working with someone else is important because it reminds you that no matter what the other person is saying, you will receive it through your own filter.

This is how you take in information.

Get To Know How Others Tick

Second, you must learn that others see the world through their lens. It governs how they think, how they feel, how they process and convey information.

"Know your audience" means understanding the lens through which others communicate. Perhaps more importantly it means understanding why they have that viewpoint in the first place.

Accepted Differences

Let's say you are from Minnesota. You grew up there and have an Upper Midwest way of looking at the world. It even gives you a certain recognizable accent. You betcha.

You travel to Alabama to visit an old friend from college. Your friend grew up in a small town outside Birmingham and has a classical southern way of looking at the world. It even gives them a certain recognizable accent. Yep.

It's dinner time and you're both hungry. You are craving mac n' cheese. Your friend is craving catfish and collared greens. You quickly agree to go to Cracker Barrel because you know each of you can get what you want.

In this situation, it was likely each of you recognized that what you craved for dinner was influenced by where you grew up. There is no good or bad between your favorite dishes, they are simply a reflection of your individual perspectives and backgrounds. (Nutritionists may think otherwise, but both dishes are delicious.)

One of you sees the world through an Upper Midwest lens and the other sees the world through the lens of the deep south. Recognizing that makes choosing where to eat dinner an easy decision.

My Way or the Highway

Not every disagreement is about food, of course, nor are the differences in perspective as easy to spot as a Minnesota or Alabama accent.

It's not always easy to identify the lens through which another person sees the world, at least not at first. There are many subtleties that influence our emotional and psychological preferences, and when those preferences clash, interpersonal conflict and disagreement can come to a head.

First, know thyself.

To know yourself accurately and reliably, take the Core Values Index™. It is the world's most accurate and reliable psychometric assessment. It takes 8 minutes to complete yet it describes the core of your hardwired personality (pun intended) with great depth and accuracy (there's that word again).

Your CVI report will describe what makes you tick. You'll learn why you prefer doing some things but not others. It will describe your emotional drivers including what causes you stress and how you instinctively respond to it.

Second, know your audience.

Once you've learned how you tick, you can use your knowledge of the CVI to recognize other people's emotional drivers.

When you learn how to spot key personality hallmarks in other people, you will have an "Ah, ha!" moment that tells you, "I know why that person prefers A over B" or "I understand why they enjoy their job (or don't as is the case more than 70% of the time; that's a topic for another article).

The CVI gives you the ability to recognize the emotional accent within another person's emotional DNA and understand the lens through which they see the world.

When you understand where each other is coming from emotionally, you can honor and value their unique perspective instead of getting frustrated by your differences.

Who's hungry?

Core Values Index™ and CVI™ are trademarks of Taylor Protocols, Inc.