The Myth of The Golden Rule: Treating Others How You'd Like to be Treated Share:
- Steve Williamson, Dir. Product Development, eRep, Inc.
- Monday, January 18, 2021
Tags: #GoldenRule #psychology #relationships
On the surface of it, behaving toward others how we'd like them to behave toward us makes sense. We all want to be treated with courtesy, dignity and respect. These are universal qualities that rise above all trappings of classification — race, gender, geography, religion, etc.
These are fundamental human qualities to which we should all aspire. In this, the Golden Rule is absolute and undeniable.
When discussing interpersonal behavior at a more mechanical and day-to-day level, the Golden Rule falls flat.
We are all equal but we are far from being the same on an emotional level.
Each of us is endowed with a unique personality, composed of a special blend of psychometric hardwiring and experience. We see the world through the lens of our psychometric profile and we are influenced by our expectations governed and determined by it.
When we treat others the way we want to be treated, we are doing so based on our own psychological expectations. We subconsciously hope that others will recognize our perspective and emotional DNA and behave toward us in ways that feed and nurture that perspective.
Our expectations are set up and defined by our psychometric lens. When someone treats us in a way outside of that expectation, we can feel emotionally injured. This pertains to all manner of relationships: parent/child, employer/employee, life partners, and even friends or acquaintances.
Conversely, we feel validated when someone treats us the way we expect or need. You may have heard the advice, “Dress like the person who can promote you.” This is an example of subconsciously validating another person’s emotional choices. Being treated the way we expect or need on an emotional level is the same thing.
We feel validated when someone treats us according to how we are psychologically hardwired.
By treating others the way we want to be treated, we are expecting them to see us through our psychometric lens, not their own. That can be a hard ask for most, until we learn three things.
The Three Lessons
To master the Golden Rule the way it should be written, there are three key lessons to be learned. At the center of these lessons is your personal knowledge of your own psychometric profile and how it functions.
To get started, take the Core Values Index psychometric assessment, then follow these steps:
- Learn and understand your own CVI psychometric profile. Understand how your emotional energies affect your expectations of others and how they influence your perspective of the world.
- Understand the four core value energies at a general level and and learn how they function and interrelate.
- Learn to identify the psychometric profile of others.
Once you have learned about your own profile, gained some basic knowledge of how the four core value energies work, and start to identify the psychometric profile of others, you can stop believing the myth that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. Instead, rewrite the Golden Rule:
→ Treat others according to how they are hardwired.
One of the most effective ways to extend courtesy, dignity and respect to another person is to recognize what makes them unique and treat them as they truly are, rather than how you are. Honor their individuality and personal value by treating them how they want to be treated.
Everyone you meet has their own unique combination of experience and psychological makeup. By understanding their perspective and emotional expectations, you can more effectively communicate and honor their contribution.
Go to eRep.com/core-values-index/ to learn more about the CVI or to take the Core Values Index assessment.
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Innovator/Banker - Dir. Product Development, eRep, Inc.
Steve has a career in information technology, software development, and project management spanning three decades. He is the author of a series of fantasy novels called The Taesian Chronicles (ruckerworks.com), and when he isn't writing he enjoys cycling, motorcycle adventure touring, and buzzing around the skies in his home-built flight simulator.